


prescited

by necromantrix



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga), Devilman Crybaby - Fandom
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Implied Relationships, Introspection, Time Loop, also vague mention of nonbinary ryo but again a lot of this is vague, ryokira is implied but not enough to put in the ship tag imho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13394994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromantrix/pseuds/necromantrix
Summary: prescited:adj.foreknown or predestined for damnation; condemnedThere are two key moments every time, in every cycle: The first is when Ryo remembers who he is, and the second is when Satan realizes his mistakes.The second moment inevitably happens too late.





	prescited

He grows up a stranger in his own body and mind. There’s a disconnect between what he knows he should be and feel and what he actually is and does. He’s a human for all anyone is aware, including himself, yet he feels no connection to that label. Even when he’s concerned about saving humanity (which is only sometimes), it’s always in the terms of _saving humans,_ as though he isn’t one. He grows up as a boy, but even that only feels partially correct—correct only in that he’s allowed no other answer for what he is, so he’ll accept that small box like he’ll accept so many others. So trivial. So insignificant.

His body feels small, like there’s more within him pushing at the invisible seams of his skin, trying to break free. It’s greater than all of this. Nothing ever does, and the feeling fades into the list of his symptoms of dissociation and disillusionment with life.

Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. He looks so innocent, he’s told. _He looks like an angel._ He wants to tell them that the color of the void is white and purity is a weakness, but he doesn’t know what that means.

He has thoughts like this rather often; fleeting insights that seemingly come out of nowhere. They certainly aren’t his own, but they don’t feel unwelcome. They’re from whatever it is that’s inside of him, threatening to destroy him in order to set itself free. Purity. Grace. Folly. Loss. He wakes at night and stares at the ceiling, at his hands, at the back of his eyelids, holding these feelings at the back of his throat—forcing them back down into the weight in his chest.

There are only two things that ease his blood and the way it tosses within him like waves on a stormy sea: Chaos, and _him._ Akira. When they meet, their connection is instantaneous. A smile, or a hand outstretched, or even a soothing hug. In that moment, a few more pieces fall into place atop the board, and Ryo knows he’ll never let this boy go for long. He never thinks too much about why. When they’re apart, Ryo satisfies himself by doing the unexpected; he’s violent and wild and unpredictable. Some describe him as unstable, and there’s no reason to tell them they’re wrong. They and their opinions mean nothing to him, even though he knows they should.

He begins enacting a plan without knowing it. It starts with a draw towards science and the paranormal; innocuous interests generally speaking, but in the hands of someone with secrets that are secret even to himself, they’re dangerous. It starts with travel. It starts with research.

Devils. They exist, and that fact is the opposite of a shock. It comes as a small, secret relief. _Oh, good. They’re still here this time,_ whispers something in the back of his mind, while his conscious shivers from a chill. He’s afraid of them and awed by their power.

There’s always a death near him; a devil possessing someone he knows, but they can’t handle it—their brain can’t process it—their body can’t fight it off—and they kill themself before they turn fully into a devil. It’s a catalyst; and later, once he knows what he is, he wonders if it’s a setup to make sure he stays on this path. But that thought doesn’t strike him until things have progressed too far to stop them.

The first realization only dawns on him once humanity is on a path to destruction.

He’s not one of them. He’s something much more glorious and irradiant than they could ever be. Humans are filled with hate and violence and mistrust and they act just as rashly as anticipated. It’s his doing, too. He knows this, but it doesn’t fill him with sickness like he knows it should. No. A new thought comes to him as humanity self-destructs: _If this is how they treat each other, it’s what they deserve._ Akira is safe. A Devilman, half-devil, half-human, and under his protection. He’ll survive even when all other humans fall, but it will be worth it. The world will be pure and clean, except for that one tiny blip of humanity. But he can excuse that. Why wouldn’t he, when it’s Akira?

The world collapses around them in this war he’s created, and Akira is lost. It’s his doing again, too. He knows this, and again he feels that strange feeling from his youth: that feeling that something inside him is welling up and trying to escape. There’s a weight in his chest as he’s left alone, his grand scheme nothing to him now. Even when the plan succeeds and humans are extinct, leaving the world full of the simple purity of devils, it’s a hollow victory. He feels no joy in it. He doesn’t remember ever feeling joy in it, in all the times he’s tried and will try time and time again.

He’ll continue to try.

His eyes well with tears as the second realization strikes him: he’s failed again, and he will continue to feel the sting of failure if nothing changes.

Nothing will change.

There’s a weakness in purity, and if he was still under the impression that he was human, he’d call it foolishness. But he’s not, and has he sheds tears for all his loss and failure, he can feel the wrath of God making its approach.

For the briefest moment, just before the world is ended and wiped clean, he knows he deserves this. He always does.

**Author's Note:**

> 'sup y'all this is the most recent of four devilman fics i've started and somehow it's the first i've finished
> 
> there are more coming, including some nsfw stuff, some angsty/fluffy stuff, and possibly a chap fic of a new time loop (but we're gonna play that last one by ear)
> 
> anyway!! i love my terrible terrible son and i hope you all enjoyed this fic that's just me thinking way too much about him
> 
> also my tumblr is necromantrix, so hmu there if you wanna scream with me/give me fic ideas/etc


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